Backyard

Earlier this week I went for a walk. It was part of an assignment for a class, in which I was required to rest and reflect on various aspects of my life and the class. I was very excited to do this and knew immediately that I would take a walk through some trails that run through and between two parks just on the other side of my apartment complex. It proved to be both exciting and meaningful. As requested for the class, I journaled about it, which I would like to share here as well:

I went for a walk today. I started out unsure. I had only walked the trail one time before, and that only halfway. I was nervous – what if I am not supposed to be here? what if the trail is blocked off? But I went on anyway. The cool dirt spilled onto my sandaled feet with my first hesitant step, reassuring me that it is okay to go here, to go somewhere unfamiliar. It reminded me I will always be close – I can never stray too far from earth as I can never stray too far from God.

I continued on the trail, but I don't like to stay on the trail – that's just boring. So, I deviated and went somewhere really new. This is when I became really invigorated. The new exploration gave me new life. It was exciting and life giving. I breathed in the fresh air in deep gulps and felt the warmth of the sunlight gently blanketing the trees and me. I tested the bounds of my daring by continuing to push into uncharted territory.

I eventually made my way back to the big trail and carried on the way I had planned. I stopped following the rigid train tracks and merged into the path of the winding, meandering river. I was not concerned about a destination. I was not concerned about a deadline – and that was truly freeing for my spirit.

I wound up in a park with a lot of baseball fields and heard the joy of carefree children and the gentle, kind coaching of loving parents. It did leave me feeling disconnected from 'the world' as I left, though. I overheard parents talking about their lives and realized I do not share their experiences or concerns.

But I did meet a friendly cat who gladly welcomed my presence.

I thought I needed to be still to really find rest, but I found out, through this, once again that "there's a movement in our stillness and however much we move we're bound to stand completely still."  I did not intend to walk this much, but I found rest in it. I have been entrapped lately in stationary, still places where I have been forced or forced myself to follow an agenda and get things done. I've had to be productive and efficient. But out here, among the trees, the squirrels, the birds, and the dirt, (and the cats), I was free to just be. To be free. To be an explorer discovering beauty, discovering God in every step.

I am comfortable in my own shoes, but I am growing more comfortable taking those shoes to new places and even sometimes taking them off and in freeness finding rest.

This is my backyard now - a place full of new, but strangely familiar experiences and beauty.  The dirt is the same, the trees are the same (except there are more of them), but somehow I am able to constantly experience them anew each time I plunge in and in each not-quite-so-new-anymore place I live.  Here I am uncertain, but empowered; convicted, but comforted; stretched, but reassured.  And that is what makes it all so exciting.

Let's Share A Story!

I spent this past weekend with four of my friends from my childhood though high school. We, for the most part, all went to school together (and were in classes together), were all in band together, all went through boy scouts together, and helped each other with whatever crazy idea was on the table at the time (building a hovercraft was one of my favorites).

I think it was the first time we had all been together in the past 4 or 5 years since high school. I have seen two of them frequently throughout the past several years, but had only communicated with the other two over long distances.

We all met in Beaumont, TX, which was about a 4-5 hour drive for me. On the way back, I had plenty of time to think about the weekend and the fun we had. As I drove further away from them and closer to home, my tired muscles and sleepy eyes were calling me to immediate reminiscence of all the fun we packed into two days together. We did a lot – playing games, swimming in the gulf, catching up with each other and telling each other what we have been up to through college.

While watching piney woods transform into open fields, I recalled the countless stories we have shared throughout our lives, including the new ones we just wrote this weekend.

My thoughts then turned to the future and the fact that this may have been the last time I saw all those guys for another four years. Those thoughts went a little something like this.

But then I thought about those stories. Not individually, but rather as a whole. And I thought about that huge four year gap in our shared stories. It is in no way a bad thing, but it made me wonder.

We are of course all facebook friends. And I have kept up with each of the other four through facebook pretty well (excluding one guy who has a profile but never uses it...who does that anymore?). Everyone knows that online networking is in no way a replacement for face to face human interaction, but I finally realized to the full extent why it could never be.

I can share my stories on facebook, or here, and I can read or hear stories shared with me by friends online in some form. But there is a huge difference between sharing stories and sharing life. As great as the internet is, I can never share life with anyone on it. I can talk to and see friends through modern technology and to an extent interact with them, but I can never truly share life in the way I did this weekend as I ate with, swam with, laughed with, and went to sleep and woke up with friends (I will avoid the phrase slept with although we did all crash in the same room).

As great as it is, I don't think the new iphone can even truly enable a sharing of life.

I realize that I can't share life with everyone all the time, but when given the option I would much rather share life with someone than merely share stories. Besides, while sharing life you make stories, and as fun as sharing stories is, making them is infinitely better.

On 'Love Wins'

I watched Howl’s Moving Castle yesterday.  It is a good movie with many layers of powerful, meaningful thematic elements.  However, I believe the culmination of these themes builds up to an ultimate message of ‘love wins’. 

And that is a common theme among good movies, especially Disney movies.  True, unselfish love can really make a difference and overcome anything.

And I think it is true.

But I was wondering: why do we have so many movies and books and stories with ultimately the same message?  Why do we tell ourselves over and over that truly ‘love wins’?

I guess one answer could be because it makes a good story that we know will be well accepted.  This seems kind of shallow at first, but it acknowledges that all humans have some desire to see love win out every time.  It is something hard wired in us – we hunger for love and good to win.  It is simply unsatisfying otherwise.

Another reason may be that we in fact doubt that love does win.  

We go through our lives and experience so much hurt and hate.  It seems as though the exact opposite of love is growing and edging out over love.  So we must remind ourselves that despite the sometimes bleak reality, there is a greater reality at work.  It may not always be noticeable.  It may be burned up and smothered in ashes.  But we know, and are reminded by our stories (fact and fiction), that love will indeed rise up anew to cast off the darkness of our own misguided hate and confusion.

So, why not keep them coming?  It seems important enough to me.

P.S. I promise it's worth it. The whole thing. (And it's not my snuggie rap)