Throughout middle school I was lucky to live very close to a friend of my same age. Every day after school, my sister and I would hang out with this friend for hours on end. There are, of course, drawbacks to the way I lived at this point in my life: I think it is one of the main reasons I am not a very good ‘gamer’ compared to the other males of my generation. But I have come to more fully value these years of my life lately, especially the two or three hours after school each day.
This friend of mine has a dad, on whom my dad, on my behalf, once bestowed the name ‘Lieutenant Larry’. It’s just one of those things that you kind of appreciate happened, even if you don’t really remember why. Anyway, Lieutenant Larry went through many unique hobbies during this time of our lives, and these hobbies never ceased to amaze me. One particular hobby, which must have come at some point before our lives crossed, that sticks out to me is insect mounting, or at least collecting and decorating with cases of mounted insects.
In some parts of his house, there were cases of butterflies and other interesting insects, which were pinned down in pristine condition. One of these was in the bathroom, directly over the toilet – so I saw it almost every day.
I did not think much about them then, but that has started to change recently. The image of that box keeps popping into my mind. Why do some people mount insects? Mounting butterflies is particularly interesting to me. Why would you pin down a dead butterfly in a box?
To preserve its beauty? For collection’s sake? To use it as wall art?
And is it worth it? Is it worth destroying the life of the creature so that its beauty may last forever?
That also makes me think of how we like to pin things down, and whether pinning down is really the best way to make beauty last forever. Most of us, in one way or another, are even eager to pin down our own lives. I mean this in the sense of: becoming still in the great movement of life and/or limiting our life.
Sometimes we try to control everything within us. We pin our lives down because we are not certain what may become of us in the future, and so we try to dictate all the small details of our lives. We set up a barrier around ourselves that keeps us trapped inside – locked into what we think we are…or are not.
It is also easy to become complacent and to not pursue the journey of life with all your might. This could even come passively in the form of getting good enough at something and not allowing ourselves to grow or seek new experiences or answers - seeking to learn just enough instead of seeking to learn all there is to learn (or experience all there is to experience). Will pinning ourselves down in this way really provide greater joy, greater freedom, more wondrous living?
Sometimes we try to control everything outside us. We try to pin ourselves down so that we won’t be as exposed to the uncertainties and troubles of the world. We set up a barrier around ourselves that keeps other stuff outside – the stuff that is dangerous or just different. We are over-concerned about safety and self-containment, and in trying to preserve our life, we stifle it.
Like if you tried to protect a candle from the wind and after too many close calls, eventually enclose it in a glass bowl. The wind can no longer harm the flame, but before long it will be snuffed out due to lack of oxygen.
Will pinning down our lives really help us? Will stilling ourselves or withdrawing from everything really allow the beauty of our lives to last longer? (Not that I think stillness and safety are inherently bad.) Will that really ensure our longevity?
Think about some really delicious strawberries, or cake, or whatever makes you salivate. You try one and it is the best you have ever tasted – sweet and succulent, so you want to make it last - last forever, or as close to that as you can get. So you put them in the refrigerator or freezer, right? Put them away from harm, hunger, and heat to try to preserve them. Maybe some inventor even invents a spray or something that will preserve food for years, so you buy that off an infomercial and use it. But maybe you forget about them or just wait too long, because no matter what you do, strawberries (or any food) are not going to last forever. They get moldy. All the precautions you took to ensure they would last have actually led to their death – and a long drawn out one at that.
But, if you had just eaten them, they would live on in the energy they provided you. They would have served their purpose.
Maybe the more we try to hold onto the status quo, the more we set up glass cases around our lives and try to pin them down in a box, the less alive we will be. Something may be preserved, but is it really life? Is it really beauty?
For me, the beauty of a butterfly is not necessarily the magnificent design on its wings. Rather, it is the journey that the insect makes – a life of transformation and flight and freedom. It is a beauty that can never be pinned down.
P.S. And no, I do not think we should “live like we’re dying” (sorry Kris Allen). Time is not really a factor here. It is merely a matter of fullness and meaning. If anything, we should die like we’re living.
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