Possessivity

I took karate lessons throughout elementary and middle school and towards the end of that time, I was on a special leadership team/program through the karate school.  It was called S.T.O.R.M., I believe, which stands for Special Team Of Role Models.  There were just a few of us and I don’t remember much about it outside of having somewhat regular meetings where we would all go into a back room and sit around and learn things about being a leader.  We had a booklet that we went through and it was all taught by the head instructor at the school.  Out of everything that happened at that point in my life, one of the things I remember the best was some advice/encouragement that was given to us all during one of these STORM meetings.

It was about taking pride in what you do, and basically went something like this:  You should take possession of what you do and the things you are a part of.  For example, you should say that MY school is…, or MY karate school does…, or MY country is….  I believe that this mindset was intended to make you really feel a part of the group or organization.  It makes you take responsibility and ownership of it.  It sponsors loyalty to the group and makes you take pride in who you are, what you do, and where you do it.

I bought into this for a couple of years and tried to really become ingrained in this thinking.  I got excited when I heard people taking possession of their organization, even if they didn’t realize what they were doing.  But that is the thing; we often don’t realize that we do it.  We are ingrained with the belief that we actually do possess some things.  And that it is good to have pride in them.  It is one of America’s highest values.

I don’t buy into that thinking anymore.

I realize that as hard as I try to collect things, as hard as I try to own stuff, ultimately none of it is mine.  As much as I want to say that plot of land and the house sitting on top of it that I live in is mine, it is simply untrue.  (Besides, what good is it that it is mine; it will merely deteriorate over time and at the end of my life be transferred to the ‘ownership’ of someone else.)  As much as I want to say that this life and what I have made of it is mine; as much as I want to take pride in myself and my accomplishments, I realize that at best my stuff, the land, even my life is borrowed.  I did not create it; I may have thrown some money at it, but I do not own it.

Pride can be very destructive in its typical, popular expression.  Pride in what we’ve done or who we are only feeds into the importance of making it our own, of possessing it.  Pride then separates us from others.  It makes us think that what we’ve done or who we are is better or at least different from them.  Taking pride in what you have done ascribes an undue importance to yourself. 

I don’t think pride in what we have or where we are is the right way to go; instead, I think love of that blessing, love of that place will get us farther.  Instead of making it ours, we should love it as it is, even if it is as far away from ours as it can be.  Love of something is inclusive, where pride in something is exclusive.  In a world where separation is what we are fighting for, where borders are more heavily guarded than ever, where we are fighting over the right to possess land that is not any of ours’ at all, only love of that space and love of those people will bring any peace or any resolution.

The good thing is that we can transform our possessing into receiving and giving in love even on a personal level.  Instead of thinking, “that egg is mine, why did he take it?” or “that egg is mine, but I will let you have it” and thus harboring anger in your heart or placing a friend in bondage of owing you something, we can think, “we are blessed to have eggs and glory be to the one who ultimately gave them to us to share and to nourish life!”  Instead of thinking, “you are my friend” and thus excluding other ‘non-friends’ or becoming jealous when ‘my’ friend befriends another friend, we can rejoice in the bond of love we all share.

The things I possess are not really my possessions.  The life I live is not my own.  I was blessed with the opportunity to live the way I live and have the things I have and I do not want to ruin it by taking pride in them.

“My life’s a cup of sugar I borrowed before time began and forgot to return.” – Aaron Weiss of mewithoutYou – “January 1979”