What I've learned in My Time Off

There are some points in your life that you just know are going to be major benchmarks.  Although nothing incredibly life changing has happened to me recently, I have just started working again, and looking back on the past month(s) of having no school or work or anything, I have unveiled some really important insights. 

I have learned:

1 can of tuna makes about 1 ½ sandwiches for me.

If zombies attack, I should fight them off with a firey, gasoline soaked chair and shoot the ones that come too close in the head.  (And according to Dwight from the Office, I could use a wooden steak to the head too).  But, my chances will probably be pretty slim regardless.

“Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.”  - Elwood P. Dowd

The intricacies of vampires and the differences between Buffy and Twilight vampire lore. It's almost like trying to say that two different Native American tribes are basically the same and follow the same traditions.

My body likes to sleep a lot.  Much more than I would prefer.  But sleeping is sometimes worth it if you have really cool dreams.

Snow is really fun, but really tiring.  It is fun to try to dive for stuff (i.e. frisbees), and the snow/layers of clothing help, but you should still be prepared to be terribly sore the next day.  I would also recommend a beard to keep your chin warm, it just becomes problematic when you get a lot of snow in it that turns into cold water.

How the sun works.  Gas/Plasma and lots of firey fun!

I act like an old man – I constantly think about what time I need to get up in the morning (even when I have no scheduled obligations that morning) and correspondingly, how early I need to go to bed.  But, I am 21 and should not worry about what time I need to go to sleep in order to get up in the morning.

Always keep a shard of wood close at hand.  If you don't know why you are already a lost cause.

How to sew.  And, you can get really far in life with a homemade blue jean cape and a friend who can help teach you how to sew it (thanks Natalie!).

The best way to learn piano is to spend half your practice time on technique, and half the time on just making original music.

Shakespeare really is very good.

Hitchcock really is very good.

Beethoven really is very good.

Avatar: The Last Airbender still is very good.  And it is frustratingly difficult for me to distinguish between this and the new movie, Avatar, in casual conversation.

It is easy to get ‘busy’ when you have ‘nothing’ to do.

It is easy to get distracted when you have ‘nothing’ to do (even though you know that nothing really just describes what you want to do, not what you should be doing).

How to really watch a sunset (it is an acquired skill – and a very useful one at that, given that you can use it just about everyday).

There are also some things I have not learned that I wish I had:

How to read Braille.

How to use an abacus.

Whether it is really impossible to eat 50 eggs.

How long I could survive on green tea and carrots alone (and what color I would turn in the process).

How to sing/match a pitch with my voice (well).

How to rest better or become less restless.

How to pray without ceasing or be in a constant state of prayer, although steps are being made toward that goal.

Any insight for these things would be appreciated.  

Be on the lookout for more quips of wisdom!

Ordinariness

I recently remembered how exciting my England trip was last summer.  I would come into a town and have no clue where anything was or how to get anywhere.  It was a thrill to figure out how to orient myself, get a little lost, and then reorient myself the right way.  I was constantly on the move, finding buses or trains, making plans on the go, and living in a completely strange place.

My situation now is much different.  The past month I have been living in a very familiar place with nothing pressing to do.  No job, no school, no urgent obligations to fill. My days typically consist of reading, writing a little, hanging out, and sometimes watching tv.  Compared to my previous summer, my life now is very ordinary.

Not bad, not easy, not hard.  Just ordinary.

These feelings are compounded as I watch many Olympic athletes who are living truly extraordinary lives right now.  My life is not half as exciting as any of their lives.

While I think there is value in both slow and fast-paced living, I have found myself struggling with making this ordinariness very meaningful.  And given our fast paced world, I would bet that I am not the only one that struggles with moments of pause.

But my concern is not merely one of restlessness.

Shouldn’t a life lived with the Creator of the universe be filled with unceasing wonder? 

Shouldn’t a life lived with the Almighty protector and redeemer of Israel be exciting, challenging, and even a little fear inspiring? 

Shouldn’t a life lived with the Savior of the world be filled with self-sacrifice and constant helping of others? 

So, where is that cutting edge excitement that is an essential characteristic to the nature of the God who fills my heart?  Where are all the life changing experiences?  Where is the busy life of nonstop pursuit of God that I have experienced so often?

And what value is there in this ordinary life?

The first I have found is identity.  I can no longer define myself by what I do, because I do nothing.  I am not a student, tutor, youth minister or whatever else I might at some point in my life by able to identify myself as.  Instead I have been forced to find identity within myself, who I really am – a loved child of God.  That leads me to consider more organically what I should do.  I am not doing things for myself, to fulfill some missing piece of me, but rather I am working and doing stuff because the God who loves me opens up opportunities around me though which I can share His love.  This makes the focus less on me and more on God.  

And this God with whom I can identify is the Creator of the universe – how much more wonderful could life get?

Second, it has helped me cope with the debilitating restlessness of typical American life.  I feel much more comfortable now at home with nothing to do.  I don’t feel as driven to be constantly working or doing something.  There is an issue here between complacency and contentedness.  It is tempting to become complacent and too comfortable doing nothing.  Complacency implies not only a lack of growth, but also apathy that there is no growth.  It is challenging to not fall into this mode of being.  Being content, on the other hand, allows you to appreciate whatever is going on in your life at the moment, and to find ways to grow even in ordinary times.  I have learned to be content with what God has given me and what He is doing in my life. 

As my actions have become less exciting, the God I am coming to know and serve and the ways in which He is intervening in my life have become even more exciting.

My contentedness has deepened in knowing that my soul can be full and I can be growing ever closer to God even when life is not flashing before me.  I have learned that changing the world can look pretty ordinary.  I don’t have to be solving world issues in order to show love to others and to better know God’s presence around me.  I in no way intend to imply that I have been perfect in this, but I have come to realize that the small things we do (listening to someone over tea, being present to offer encouragement, laughing and eating with people), these ordinary things can be truly extraordinary ways of engaging in the world around us. 

I have found that self sacrifice can come in the simplest of expressions.

Our lives are not action packed; in fact, probably more ordinary than not.  And even Olympians live such fast paced lives only periodically throughout the years.  So, I have found it important to be ever wondering: How do we make all our time meaningful?  How do we live a good ordinary life?

Through an embrace of the ordinariness of my life I have begun to find the consistent, subtle wonder, excitement, fear, and self sacrifice that lies at the heart of following God daily.

Twilight: an explanation...and insight

I admit – I read Twilight.  Just the first book in the saga so far, though.  I still don’t know exactly why.  It could be that I just want to be culturally relevant, but I have also started watching a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer lately and I am finding in myself a growing sense of vampire fascination.  I am being sucked in like the rest of America…someone please help! (Although I am not so far gone that I am watching True Blood yet.)

I am not going to use this space to bash Twilight or praise it (although I will admit at the outset that I tend toward the former – the writing style is excruciating, the story nearly unbearable, and Buffy is simply a far superior indulgence into vampire lore).  I will admit, though, that as much as I find it unpleasant, I still find myself at the end of the day wanting to read more – I don’t know whether that is to get through it quicker or because it is in some way interesting.

And that is the question that haunts me – why is Twilight so popular, so interesting to so many people?  What is it that has gotten so many people to read and talk about this story?  (I am sure the answer to this lies partly in the help that several very good looking actresses and bare chested actors contributed in their cinematic support of the story).

This especially troubles me when I think of Christianity – the religion I try my best to be a part of – and how it has become so unpopular.  I am not going to throw statistics out (you can trust the countless statistics thrown at me, or just google it), but clearly Christianity is falling far behind Twilight in the popularity scales.  Whether Christians think it is important to be popular or not, this still holds great consequences based on the millions of people who have unpopular, unfavorable impressions of Christians before they even know any personally.

So, how do we Twilightize Christianity?  How do we at least get people interested in what it is about?  How do we get people talking about it?   Well, there are probably many (bad) ways of doing that – even Hitler is popular (sorry to pull out the trump card there).  And I in no way think that marketing Christianity is a good idea.  Is there a way to make Christianity not necessarily popular, but favorable?  Is that even an important aspect of the religion?

As I thought about this, I thought about what made Twilight popular.  Here’s what I came up with:

It is like a delicious milkshake (by the way, I think that a rich, perfectly blended chocolate milkshake is the best human equivalent to intoxicating blood for a vampire): it tastes good, goes down easy, fills you up, and doesn’t leave you with a bad taste in your mouth (unless you are lactose intolerant).  It is very simple and easy to read, and it is romantically captivating.  It doesn’t necessarily challenge us but rather shows us an entrancing, pleasing story.  It leaves us feeling warm and fuzzy inside.  And it has vampires.  But is this really something we should copy as Christians?  Is this really what our message is about? 

I would say no.  Sure there are parts to a relationship with Jesus that are full of encouragement and the warm feeling of knowing God is with you, but that is not even half the story.  Christianity is challenging, convicting, and though very much worth it, not an easy ride.  Following Jesus often does not taste good, does not go down easy, and although it fills our souls and hearts, it often leaves our bodies wanting.  We don’t even have to read past the crucifixion to see how unpopular and unfavorable Jesus was.  The gospel is not always something people necessarily want, but it is something we all need.  So, how do we represent this unfavorable message to those who naturally reject it?  How do we serve bland bread and bitter wine to a population that is sucking down delicious milkshakes and fatty hamburgers?  I figure Twilight must have something to offer, so I decided to look at the book from a different view.

What do the characters in Twilight teach us about being accepted by the world?  How do they connect with such a broad audience so easily and have the opportunity to share their story with that audience? 

They are authentic (perhaps unrealistically so) and for the most part are overwhelmingly honest, at least within the Bella/Cullen circle.  They are relatable and connect with their audience on some level by doing and understanding normal human things even though no character is any more excessively normal than any of us.  They are loving and in pursuit of love no matter what it takes.  The characters, primarily Bella, have found a better, more meaningful existence even in the midst of the dreary drizzliness of life – something we all so desperately hope for.  And all this has to have some impact, some value or meaning to millions of people.

The Christian message may not be a popular one and this may not be all that Christians need to have the opportunity to share our story, but I think these are good lessons to take from the book.  We as Christians often don’t know how to connect with those around us, especially when we fail to be authentic, loving, and truly fascinated by the better life we have found in the midst of dreary days.  Granted, I haven’t read the whole series, and Christianity is much more nuanced than a fiction book, but I think the value in authenticity, honesty, relate-ability, and love will do nothing but help us be better Christians, and more ‘popular’, or more well received people as well.

Further (related) reading: Luke 9:57-10:37

Possessivity

I took karate lessons throughout elementary and middle school and towards the end of that time, I was on a special leadership team/program through the karate school.  It was called S.T.O.R.M., I believe, which stands for Special Team Of Role Models.  There were just a few of us and I don’t remember much about it outside of having somewhat regular meetings where we would all go into a back room and sit around and learn things about being a leader.  We had a booklet that we went through and it was all taught by the head instructor at the school.  Out of everything that happened at that point in my life, one of the things I remember the best was some advice/encouragement that was given to us all during one of these STORM meetings.

It was about taking pride in what you do, and basically went something like this:  You should take possession of what you do and the things you are a part of.  For example, you should say that MY school is…, or MY karate school does…, or MY country is….  I believe that this mindset was intended to make you really feel a part of the group or organization.  It makes you take responsibility and ownership of it.  It sponsors loyalty to the group and makes you take pride in who you are, what you do, and where you do it.

I bought into this for a couple of years and tried to really become ingrained in this thinking.  I got excited when I heard people taking possession of their organization, even if they didn’t realize what they were doing.  But that is the thing; we often don’t realize that we do it.  We are ingrained with the belief that we actually do possess some things.  And that it is good to have pride in them.  It is one of America’s highest values.

I don’t buy into that thinking anymore.

I realize that as hard as I try to collect things, as hard as I try to own stuff, ultimately none of it is mine.  As much as I want to say that plot of land and the house sitting on top of it that I live in is mine, it is simply untrue.  (Besides, what good is it that it is mine; it will merely deteriorate over time and at the end of my life be transferred to the ‘ownership’ of someone else.)  As much as I want to say that this life and what I have made of it is mine; as much as I want to take pride in myself and my accomplishments, I realize that at best my stuff, the land, even my life is borrowed.  I did not create it; I may have thrown some money at it, but I do not own it.

Pride can be very destructive in its typical, popular expression.  Pride in what we’ve done or who we are only feeds into the importance of making it our own, of possessing it.  Pride then separates us from others.  It makes us think that what we’ve done or who we are is better or at least different from them.  Taking pride in what you have done ascribes an undue importance to yourself. 

I don’t think pride in what we have or where we are is the right way to go; instead, I think love of that blessing, love of that place will get us farther.  Instead of making it ours, we should love it as it is, even if it is as far away from ours as it can be.  Love of something is inclusive, where pride in something is exclusive.  In a world where separation is what we are fighting for, where borders are more heavily guarded than ever, where we are fighting over the right to possess land that is not any of ours’ at all, only love of that space and love of those people will bring any peace or any resolution.

The good thing is that we can transform our possessing into receiving and giving in love even on a personal level.  Instead of thinking, “that egg is mine, why did he take it?” or “that egg is mine, but I will let you have it” and thus harboring anger in your heart or placing a friend in bondage of owing you something, we can think, “we are blessed to have eggs and glory be to the one who ultimately gave them to us to share and to nourish life!”  Instead of thinking, “you are my friend” and thus excluding other ‘non-friends’ or becoming jealous when ‘my’ friend befriends another friend, we can rejoice in the bond of love we all share.

The things I possess are not really my possessions.  The life I live is not my own.  I was blessed with the opportunity to live the way I live and have the things I have and I do not want to ruin it by taking pride in them.

“My life’s a cup of sugar I borrowed before time began and forgot to return.” – Aaron Weiss of mewithoutYou – “January 1979”