Earlier this week I went for a walk. It was part of an assignment for a class, in which I was required to rest and reflect on various aspects of my life and the class. I was very excited to do this and knew immediately that I would take a walk through some trails that run through and between two parks just on the other side of my apartment complex. It proved to be both exciting and meaningful. As requested for the class, I journaled about it, which I would like to share here as well:
I went for a walk today. I started out unsure. I had only walked the trail one time before, and that only halfway. I was nervous – what if I am not supposed to be here? what if the trail is blocked off? But I went on anyway. The cool dirt spilled onto my sandaled feet with my first hesitant step, reassuring me that it is okay to go here, to go somewhere unfamiliar. It reminded me I will always be close – I can never stray too far from earth as I can never stray too far from God.
I continued on the trail, but I don't like to stay on the trail – that's just boring. So, I deviated and went somewhere really new. This is when I became really invigorated. The new exploration gave me new life. It was exciting and life giving. I breathed in the fresh air in deep gulps and felt the warmth of the sunlight gently blanketing the trees and me. I tested the bounds of my daring by continuing to push into uncharted territory.
I eventually made my way back to the big trail and carried on the way I had planned. I stopped following the rigid train tracks and merged into the path of the winding, meandering river. I was not concerned about a destination. I was not concerned about a deadline – and that was truly freeing for my spirit.
I wound up in a park with a lot of baseball fields and heard the joy of carefree children and the gentle, kind coaching of loving parents. It did leave me feeling disconnected from 'the world' as I left, though. I overheard parents talking about their lives and realized I do not share their experiences or concerns.
But I did meet a friendly cat who gladly welcomed my presence.
I thought I needed to be still to really find rest, but I found out, through this, once again that "there's a movement in our stillness and however much we move we're bound to stand completely still." I did not intend to walk this much, but I found rest in it. I have been entrapped lately in stationary, still places where I have been forced or forced myself to follow an agenda and get things done. I've had to be productive and efficient. But out here, among the trees, the squirrels, the birds, and the dirt, (and the cats), I was free to just be. To be free. To be an explorer discovering beauty, discovering God in every step.
I am comfortable in my own shoes, but I am growing more comfortable taking those shoes to new places and even sometimes taking them off and in freeness finding rest.
This is my backyard now - a place full of new, but strangely familiar experiences and beauty. The dirt is the same, the trees are the same (except there are more of them), but somehow I am able to constantly experience them anew each time I plunge in and in each not-quite-so-new-anymore place I live. Here I am uncertain, but empowered; convicted, but comforted; stretched, but reassured. And that is what makes it all so exciting.
